How To Make Your Asian
Girlfriend Eternally Happy
1.Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the
number two rule follows.
2.Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her,
whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill
to do it.
3.Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you
don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it
will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one
foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because
you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
4.Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about
submissive Asian women. They actually rule every relationship with
insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny,
crying mind-control.
5.Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be
impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello
Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well
as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and knick-knacks.
Also, she will understand perfectly well if you pout over the
smallest perceived slight or slip and demand to be appeased,
assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, she will
never understand it.
6.Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble of
replacing your wardrobe and dressing you, herself.
7.Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The
sight of a whisker on your face reminds her that somewhere inside
you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow - you must be
as unchanging and constant as the firmament.
8.There are NO MORE RULES to making your Asian girlfriend eternally
happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not
addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the primary
rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case.
